she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
