Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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