I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
