this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
