he puts the penis in happiness.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
