were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
