My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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