you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
