sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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