Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
