the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
