ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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