This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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