i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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