Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize