ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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