i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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