booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
