I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Randomize
