She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
My ATM looks so different sober.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
