she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
