i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize