Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
