Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
