we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
