i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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