come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
