I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
