please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
