sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
