i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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