he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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