i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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