You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
