Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
