How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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