So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
