Where are you?
In a non slutty way
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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