Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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