Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
They are going to name an STD after you.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
