I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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