That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
