She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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