I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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