I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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