Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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