in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
