it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
