U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
