Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
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