Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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