Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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