wat bout pragnant strippers??
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
