I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
