Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
This house was built for laser tag.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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