I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
