well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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