I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
