thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
