I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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