Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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