she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
