birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
