anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
