my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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