Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
