She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
